MEANING & MISSION, Islamabad; Pakistan (Sep 06)

Sit Smiling

I boasted among men that I had known you.
They see your pictures in all works of mine.
They come and ask me, `Who is he?'
I know not how to answer them. I say, `Indeed, I cannot tell.'
They blame me and they go away in scorn.
And you sit there smiling.
I put my tales of you into lasting songs.
The secret gushes out from my heart.
They come and ask me, `Tell me all your meanings.'
I know not how to answer them.
I say, `Ah, who knows what it means!'
They smile and go away in utter scorn.
And you sit there smiling.

-Rabrindanath Tagore

Dragged by Wild horses or not, I went looking for something in Pakistan, a purpose, a mission, a niche or even a monastic community. Many asked whether I found it, and if I am brutally honest, I didn’t. I found that I was not ready for the harsh realities that those in the mission field face; I found I was not mature enough or strong enough to cope with the challenges, I would have to handle; I found that despite the fact I would like to work within a monastic community, that it was not my calling (and that I was neurotically attached to things like personal space and an eccentric form of intolerant individualism which didn’t cope well with the reality of communal living even if the ‘hills were a live with the sound of music’). Did I make a difference to the lives of the people I met? Not really, this journey was an observational encounter more than anything else. So what was achieved other than diarrhoea and nausea?? Well...., I found tremendous beauty in the divine design; I found immense strength courage and warmth in the devastated and desolate fallen world.

I didn’t need to go all the way to Pakistan to find empathy in suffering & poverty, these were always on my doorstep whether in Colombo, Perth or Liverpool. But perhaps I had to go on an internal journey of physical discomfort (whether in diarrhoea, sprained ankle, continuous nausea) relative deprivation (from my personal space, comfort zone routine, food for satisfaction rather than hunger) fear (that the people I saw would never be redeemed from abysmal living conditions, and could never understand the concepts of Grace & Hope because it was outside their experience) pain (at the nature of poverty and this hell on earth) to eventually rediscover some meaning in my journey of faith. I found perfection and grace in his creation that had given humanity resilience and hope that survived despite the deception of the enemy.

The team at the Islamabad Look out point

I was beginning to understand that the original sin was not just disobedience, but arrogance; a rejection of our lot and a self righteous belief that we deserved better perhaps contracted from the deceiver himself. I realised that the difference in the many grass root missionaries that continued to protect and nurture the vulnerable, despite the desolate chaos, was that the driving force behind their mission was much more than a seething anger and empathy against suffering (as had too often been mine); they understood the nature and wonder of Grace, and found indomitable strength in Hope. I rediscovered the significance of Christ; we were not Christians because God redirected his creation and a few faithful through his personified Son. We were Christians because Christ was the very real, very simple and practical personification of Gods Grace and our calling to Hope, Faith & Love. The danger of having been brought up in a Christian tradition was that for too long these words had been mere buzz words.

I found that the charges in Isaiah to feed the hungry, to give shelter to the homeless, to set captives free and bring light to those in darkness and in the shadow of death, these lines which always burned holes deep in our conscience that are all too easily rejected as cheesy abstract ideals as we grew older, was the very REAL Gospel we were charged to carry. Gods Grace was mediated through these things, Hope Faith & Love were brought alive in it. You are never ready or strong enough or mature enough to do these things, but the flaws of the instrument had never prevented the creator from using them before.